Chew

There seems to be the unspoken question floating around as to how much one person can do at one time. Unfortunately I do not have the option of working on ONE THING at a time. Due to the nature of my work I must do them all simultaneously. Like teaching regular classes, rehearsals for nationals (and other dances that aren't mine due to staffing issues), choreography for the next Ottawa Food Bank Benefit, MY REEL, workshops and possibly a film job. Lots on the plate right now. It has been hard trying to find a balance for it all (if there even is one, we all know i'm not good at balance), but a fun ride nonetheless.
The reel films in just over a week. That kills me. I'm such a mixture of excitement and nerves that I don't even know what to do with myself. Rehearsal time is hard to come by. There's always something else at the studio that needs to be done. A private to be scheduled, a file to make, an email to answer, a number to run, a class to teach. But it will all be over in a few weeks. And then I need to start the next phase.
Which has also had me dealing with the issue of being terrified to have it finished. I was able to ignore this feeling until this past week. What the hell do I do when it's done? You focus on a project for so long (years) and all I could see was to the point of getting it done. I couldn't see beyond that. I couldn't see what I would do with it, where I would send it, what else needs to go with it.... And I'm still not sure. I suppose I'll do whatever comes next. Once I figure out what it is of course.
My personal life has been suffering slightly. Shane is good enough to roll with my hectic schedule but it's me that wishes I could be around a bit more. Im more busy now than I have been all year and summer is supposed to be the easy time! But worth it. All worth it.

In Exchange

   My last two days in the studio have been idyllic. It's a combination of things that amounts to this gift of abundance and joy in a studio. First off, it is the people. It always comes down to who is in that room with you, doing what. I count myself extremely lucky to be working with two young talented dancers. They are so open, so committed to the vision and story to run with it. They are willing to try things. Ready to take a risk, try again if it doesn't work, try again even when it does work. They are willing to try. To push me and to be pushed choreographically and physically. That alone is a gift.
   The other genius of studio time is the quiet. No distractions. No other people milling about, no one lurking and watching the rehearsal to judge what you are attempting to create in there.... Just free open space, we left our judgement and cynicism at the door. And the big part of bliss.... NO MONEY EXCHANGING HANDS WHATSOEVER. It was the free exchange of my time for your time. We come because we want to be here, not because we have to be. Not because there are bills to be paid, tuition to afford, shoes to buy. We come for the art, for the process. To experience the art for what we create with a singular focus, we come. We dance. We live. There is laughter, tears, awkwardness, lightbulb moments, all sorts of moments. Triumphs and tragedies all within a three hour rehearsal session. Who knows what will fly and what won't? We don't until we try. And we try again. And again. Tweak. And try. The key is always to try. For what is success without all the failures that proceed it?

     Because of all this recent joy in rehearsal the reel is set to completion in about a month and a half. For primary filming anyways. I have thrashed, bled, cried, edited and re-edited this down to what it is. Some things have been added, others taken away. I feel it is now on the right track. It feels right. I am more than excited to see it in its entirety, as the finished product. And then the hard part. The sending it out into the world to see if it stands on its own two feet. Like me. To see if I stand on my own two feet.

My Phone Keeps Me Company

Competition #4 and Final starts today! I'm wishing Merde to all our students today as they head into ADA. Very exciting time indeed. And then after that, you'd think we'd all sit down and take a break, but not. We're not. We're gearing right into recital which is a mere two weeks away! Such a close to the season. Amazing to think that it's so close already. How did that happen? Where did the time go?

   Lots of things happening this summer. First off, getting the reel DONE! Heading into final rehearsals next week. I may try to squeeze in an extra piece or two, depending on time and dancer availability. Quite frankly, the more the merrier. I want to get back and create. All this running around at comp and recital prep has left me forgetting that I'm a choreographer, not an administrator. I anxiously await the day where I can pay someone else to administrate my life for me. But until then, I do it all and I'm ok with that. If I screw it up I can't blame anyone but myself. Also happening this summer will be a workshop or two at Dance Roots (very excited). Starting choreography for the next Benefit for the Ottawa Food Bank.
And my last year of TTS! So much going on, I am hoping to fit in a vacation and some quality time with the man. We haven't had much time lately so we live life and entertain each other with draw something.

Back on Track

I've been letting a lot of things slide lately. Between regular teaching, private lessons, competition and all the rest, many things have slid down the priority list. Like laundry. Dishes. General cleaning. I spent all last Monday getting my house back together. It looked as though Hurricane Tressa had blown through it. Which I had. Hastily throwing a meal together after getting home from competition, only to jump in the shower and flop in bed. Then get up before dawn to do it all again. Talk about clutter. 

    I feel more back to normal this week. Busy as the last weeks, but a little calmer about the whole mess. Which is relieving. My entire new way of life had suffered. I reverted back to drinking pepsi all hours of the day. Consistently having a bottle in my hand. Damn you pepsi. Damn you. I ate all the easiest (worst) meals when I got home at night.... I'm back with it now. Bringing real food with me. Ensuring I have water on hand. Basically taking care of myself because who else will? 

  Competition has been going really great. The students are all dancing well, there has been minimal costume catastrophes... And they are just the cutest things in the world. Case in point....See above. 

Couple of the highlights so far, sr. duo/trio overall 1st and 3rd. jr. small group 1st overall, sr large group 1st overall, dance offs. sr solo 1st overall. It's been great thus far. This weekend we head to Toronto (students all ready there, I head down on Saturday) to get our groove on at Rhythm Dance. So continued good luck to all the students and I just can't wait to see how they do. 

Compassion Must Extend To Self

There's a shift happening right now. Not the shift in seasons happening outside (though Spring is whispering through the trees) but more an internal shift. I feel myself becoming more grounded. More settled. It's an odd shift, one I am still assessing my feelings on. But I'm happy. Really, truly Happy. I started doing yoga again. And wondered why on earth I stayed away for so long. I took up baking. Delicious smells fill my new house, I bake, he cooks, we clean. I eat more fruit and vegetables. I am trying to live greener, more consciously. I think I'm just trying to live responsibly. Make a better future for any children I might have and their generation and the generations after.
     Competition is next weekend. I'm hoping my new calm collectiveness will carry me through this traditionally hectic (ok, freaking the fuck out) time of the year. Take it as it comes, costume mishaps, mistakes, spacing hell..... Let it come and let it go. I am very much excited for it. To see my pieces take to the stage, the forum which they are meant to be seen and displayed in. The students have all worked so hard and I look forward to them seeing the fruits of that labor. Learning that you get out what you put in. And they've put in a lot. It's going to be an exciting and emotional few weekends.
     The video for Kay is done! Filmed a few weeks ago on a frigid and late Saturday night. It may have been freezing, and I may have been at work for 14 hours that day, but what an amazing experience. The crew was fantastic, Ian provided an awe inspiring track, what more can a dancer ask for? The muses were with us that night. I can't wait to see and share the final product. Hopefully I can have that on its way shortly. It's going to be a good one!

SO MUCH GOING ON

There's been so much happening lately, and so quickly that I can't keep up. On top of it I've had health issues to contend with, so that certainly doesn't help. First things first. Competition is a super short 6 weeks away! It's insanity at the studio right now, between rehearsals, costume mishaps, formation changes, and general mayhem. And regular classes, getting things ready for recital..... No time to breathe, but it's great.
    Been working hard on the "Kay" video for Ian Keteku. We did show and tell on Monday and I'm happy that he's happy. It's going to be a great project and I'm really looking forward to filming. It's going to be a lot of fun for sure. Work on the reel is coming along, just about finished. I can't to film that one too. I am truly blessed and fortunate to work with such talented and dedicated dancers.
     On top of all this we bought a house! We're very excited to move in and get it all set up and that's going to be a lot of work, but the great kind. It's always exciting to set up a new home and organize everything just the way you like it. And in the middle of all this I'll be turning 26. Talk about a whirlwind birthday.

Kay

    I am so balls to the wall excited for the future. I mean that literally. It is time to go balls to the wall, no fear, no hesitation, no holding back. I am thrilled at the prospect of it. Energized to work, work until I weep from exhaustion, until my body can no longer stand it is so wrecked from hours of rehearsal. Sounds awful, but to me, it is what I live for. To be so consumed by my art. And the opportunity is more than out there. I just walked through the door. A few really exciting projects coming out soon. They are all in the works (I have the aches from rehearsal to prove it) and I can't wait to share all of it with you. More details to come soon and it's going to be one for the books. Tell your friends. It's what I would do.