All I could say was "You're Welcome"

 CRAZY week! It all culminated yesterday with our two performances. Both went really well and were received warmly, regardless of snafus, like really small stages. A few minor (or major) revisions and off we went. It worked out, somehow. It always seems to even though it's impossible to see how sometimes. We were surrounded by so much love yesterday. First, performing at a wedding, such a lovely event. The bride was glowing, the guests were beautiful, the flowers placed JUST SO. Hell, even we were wearing white. And then later that night we performed at a stag and doe/ charity event. Such a great couple. And an amazing night of dance. We were not the only performers and each of them blew my mind. Particularly, the two beatboxers. I mean.. HOW THE FUCK DO THEY DO THAT?!?! We were all watching and all you could hear escape our lips were random interjections of "WHAAAAT?!" Just so unreal. The talent in that room was overwhelming. What a wicked atmosphere to spend a Saturday night in!

Here's the funny thing though. I never remember performances. I really couldn't tell you what happened during them. I have absolutely no recollection of those 4 minutes. And I have no recollection of any of my performances. No clue what my facial expression looked like. If my arms were hitting the correct counts. If I messed up (though major blunders I do recall). But literally, it all seems like a haze to me that never happened. And yet I remember in crystal clarity every moment of studio time. I'm not one of those people who needs performing. I love it, and it's fun, but it feels surreal to me. Always. I live for the studio. There's such a difference between what I do there and what I do onstage. I feel like my success in the studio and all the breakthroughs, and hours spent perfecting each moment are the antidote to the dreamlike quality that performances take on. I always feel disappointed by what I've done on stage. If only performance could take place in the studio. 

After we finished our performance though, we let loose rock star style. Dance circles, drinks and even the occasional, if regrettable, fist pump. Snooki was in evidence that evening all around us. Somehow, I didn't mind. It's been a long time since I kind of shirked responsibility that way. It was great. To just forget time for a while and have some fun. Did I actually forget how much FUN IT IS? I guess I had. 

I received such a special surprise in rehearsal today. Working with one of my solos, a very emotional one, we had spent the entire rehearsal breaking apart and reconstructing each moment in accordance to the story we wanted to tell. At the end, my student comes up to me and gives me a hug and says nothing more than "Thank you". For what, I'm not sure. At moments like this I feel like I should be the one giving thanks. Thanks for this amazing opportunity to do what I love. For working with students who take my approach and run with it. For all the amazing people and experiences I've gathered through this art. So... thanks to me are not really necessary. But all I could say was "You're welcome"

Balancing Act

I've been thinking a lot about balance lately. Mainly, balancing one's work and one's life and managing to have a bit of both. I'm not good at it. Actually, that's a major understatement. I'm horrible at it. I have no balance whatsoever. I haven't yet figured out how to manage having a life and keeping up with the work that I love. And yet, I'm actually ok with constantly living in extremes. It's what I'm comfortable with. What I do best most of the time.

That being said I do neglect my friends. Luckily I've surrounded myself with people who are really there when I need them. When I need that friend coffee just to remind me who I am. I had one of those such coffee's this morning. It was exactly what I needed. Set me up for the day just right. Brought me back to that place where I can be confident in myself and what I do. I can stand behind that and stand up for it. MUCH LOVE.

Today was filled with all kinds of dance love. I had a solo rehearsal and she did a run through that was so beautiful I literally had tears in my eyes. It makes my heart ache with such joy when a student brings me to tears. It's rare. But so joyous. To see them living in the moment makes my job so worthwhile.

Two performances tomorrow and there's the pre-performance anxiety creeping up on me again. Time to work this bitch out. It's going to be a great one, and I'm looking forward to it. I just kind of want it to be here already. Seems like we've been doing nothing but rehearsing and thinking about these pieces all week. Which, I guess, we have. Time to let them see the light of day.

"You're actually just insane...."

That was perhaps the most hilarious response I get from a fellow dancer about my schedule for the day. Teach, rehearse, rehearse, rehearse, teach, teach, rehearse, rehearse. Tomorrow is sure to be a long day as well. Report, teach, perform, perform. Maybe followed by a collapse. My body is certainly feeling the effects of teaching that many hours that many days straight. And working 13 hour days in general. I'm using A535 like it's a lifestyle. Which, in a way, I guess it is. One of these days I will book an hour full body massage. Oh sweet baby jesus, it makes me feel better just to think it.

I'm currently procrastinating finishing getting ready to meet a friend for coffee. My body really just hurts that much, but it's been a while since I've seen Carlyn and we have so much to catch up on. Mornings like this were made for friend coffee dates. Especially when that coffee is Starbucks. I'm horribly addicted, get used to it. Continuing with the massive overcaffination for yet another day. Probably until at least Monday. I'll keep you posted on that. Since I know it's of dire interest how much caffeine I really consume.

Performance tomorrow! I'm looking forward to it. I like the culmination of a piece. To finally get it on the stage just makes me happy.

Dreaming In Revelry

It always seemed so simple. Almost too simple, really. Such a clear, defined path to follow. Create the work. Set the work. Rehearse the work. Show the work. Repeat as necessary. But now there are so many other things to think about and accomplish. Promote the work. Find new places to show the work. Network to get your work seen. It's a learning curve to take my life outside of the studio. I haven't previously thrown my work out into the world in a setting where dance wasn't the main draw. It's been interesting and ultimately, the response thus far has been encouraging. Enough so that I'll keep doing it. There are a lot more opportunities out there than I previously thought. The possibilities are endless.

This week has been particularly grueling for the simple fact that my body isn't used to this amount of dancing. And hard dancing. Rehearsals for our performance have been going well. Got one tonight and one tomorrow night, our final two rehearsals before show and tell time. It's always such a madcap rush at the end, but it's the adrenaline that makes this shit worthwhile. All the times spent in the studio, it's the anecdote to the anxiety of a piece hitting the stage.

I've been so over-caffeinated these days. Been guzzling more pepsi than anyone has the right to. I'm sure it's doing awful things to my body, and I'm peeing every ten minutes, but oh it's so good. I don't even really feel the effects of caffeine anymore. I know I've gotta stop, but not yet... please not yet IT'S KEEPING ME GOING!

Reminder that there will be no drop in Int/Adv Jazz this Friday. We'll start back March 4th and WERK!